Sunday, August 2, 2009

Ham and Cheese Pleazzzze!

I can't for the life of me understand what the fuck has become of the “Cookout”. Growing up, going to a cook out meant you had to get up extra early to pack up the car with coolers, ice, soda's (Whiterock), watermelon and so fourth. Nowadays you go to a cookout and think you made a wrong turn on to Thanksgiving street. Since when has lasagna, collard greens, mac and cheese, string beans and all that other bullshit that belongs on your Thanksgiving table become a part of the bar-b-q? That shit just pisses me off. A bunch food that should be hot tuning into a bunch of cold slop sitting at the picnic table. Where the fuck are the sandwiches? What ever happened to getting to a picnic early, playing some kind of ball game, cards, and taking a nap on that old ass blanket that is in the back of the closet just waiting to be remembered every summer. Shit got so bad at the “Cookout” that the dress code done change. Parents use to come to the cookout looking bugged out wearing caps, over sized tee shirts, shorts, and old sneakers. Now shit, please (I was also guilty of this, but I woke up) we come with spanking new sneakers, a new outfit, high heels and all kinds of fly shit. What the fuck is the point? I also remember my mother calling around to see who had a box. Now please we have to have a DJ. It is stupid and it takes away from the fun. Cookout are for the older adults to relax, talk shit and listen to some oldies while the children play. Men are suppose to work hard on the grill, drink a beer. Women are suppose to sit around exchanging banter and just enjoying each others company.
I just want to take the right turn on good ole “Cookout” street. I just love that feeling, and I miss it. Next time you plan a cookout, remember you don't have to go overboard. Just have enough of the necessary grub and just have fun.


Thursday, February 12, 2009

The Consultation

It's been a while, but I am back. I left my job, and I am home deciding what to do with my spare time. I've been extremely busy with planning, and I haven't had much time to write. Sunday was Grammy night and I missed the whole show. My girlfriend hosted a pleasure party, and I went. That was the first time I'd ever gone to one, and I have to say I had a good time. The party wasn't explicit at all, and the crowd was friendly. I ordered this heart shape heating pad. You can put oil on it and give a great massage. I think everyone ordered one. During the demonstration, the heart was warmed, oil was put on it, and all of the guest had mini arm massages. It was such a relaxing feeling.
Today, I went for a consultation for my tummy tuck and it looks like it's a go. However, I have to see an endocrinologist before I have any surgery done. I have fat wrapped around my organ which cause my stomach to protrude. This is happening from having a slow metabolism caused by my thyroid. Instead of me burning 2000 calories a day, I am burning less. All the fat is getting stored between my stomach muscles and organs. Sounds horrible, but not really anything major to worry about. I have to get a hormone replacement, and my metabolism will boost right up to normal. Once the fat melts, I can proceed with my tummy tuck. The surgeon said that I could have the surgery done now, but it is best if I take care of the internal fat because the results will be phenomenal. I am extremely slim, but slim and stomach don't mix. Once my stomach is back to normal, I can resume with my normal life.

Friday, February 6, 2009

Where's the Rogain?

Growing up, I had extremely thick coarse hair. Not long, but not a baldy bean. I had enough hair to not be teased (remember A is for apple J is for jack Shaniqua don’t have no hair in the back). As I got older my hair grew tremendously, and I had a beautiful doobie throughout my teenage years. I never had any major hair problems until I moved to Jamaica, WI. I used to go to this natural spa in a place call Bath Fountain. Bath Fountain is a hidden jungle high in the mountains. You have to literally hike to get their. Upon arrival, you are greeted by a bunch of Rasta’s who want to massage you, and open coconuts for you. They also lead you to the fountain of naturally hot mineral water. It was a bit daunting the first time I went up there, but I became a regular and got to know all of the dreads that were there. While you are hiking, you don’t know what to expect. This place is breathe taking and hidden from society. When you first get to the fountain, you see massive rocks with water shooting out of them. There are natural tubs where visitors sit to get there massage and just to soak in the hot water.
Every time I’d go to the fountain, I would drink the water and wash my hair. The water has a strong pungent sulfuric smell, but when you taste it, it taste free of anything unnatural. The more I would wash my hair, the more I noticed the chemicals coming out. I also noticed a rapid, tremendous amount of growth to it. However, every time I’d comb my hair, tons of it would fall out. I couldn’t understand how this was happening. I used to cry and cry and keep going to the fountain to fix the problem. To no avail. I finally realized what was happening. The natural minerals were striping my chemically processed hair and getting rid of the dead hair that was left. It grew because of the sulfuric content in the water. My hair was down the middle of my back, but going through shock at the same time. When I came back to America, I immediately showed my sis what happened. She couldn’t believe that my hair grew that long. She also said that it was very thin and we had to cut it. I let do what she needed to do until I was able to get to the parlor. When I finally got to the parlor, my hair lost was immediately reversed. After that, my hair started doing well until I moved to another state. I could not get my hair together for nothing. I eventually had to cut it all off and start from scratch. My hair grew back rather fast and it was fine until now. I don’t know what is happening to me but I can’t keep it for nothing. My hair is getting thinner by the day and I can not do anything to reverse it. I am not big on weaves because they hurt, I am too old to get braid, and to young to wear wigs. I go to the parlor religiously, and nothing is happening. I created a shampoo that contains onions which usually work for this kind of situation, but nothing is happening. I just don’t know what to do. I think it is time for me to go to the dermatologist to get an assessment. There is no way I am going to walk around looking like baldina.


Thursday, February 5, 2009

Dream Big

The world is big, so get out of that hole. Explore your dreams there’s a reason your eyes are closed. Dreams can be reality into a wonderful life that will or has existed. When it’s all said and done, we control our thoughts. If you have nothing, you have your mind; it can’t be sold, stolen or brought. Remember you own your psyche you can shift your thoughts. Think positive, and dream big and you will never come up short.

In order to move forward you must shed dead weight. Try standing up and looking at your ass. You can’t because it is behind you. Your past is like your ass.

2009 has so far been divine all because it is mine. This is the first year I am making my own decisions and following through with them. I feel so liberated, and free. My voice stays the same when I am speaking. If you are articulate, you don’t have to put the high pitched voice on to impress anyone. Besides, that voice sounds phony, and stupid. We must all be proud of who we are because we are in control. Once I received the memo, I knew I did not have to conform to anyone other than me. That is a good feeling. 2009 has brought me nothing but joy unspeakable joy. The best things are happening for my country thanks to one of the greatest men alive. My nephew is doing well in college, my neighbor received a full scholarship to a prestigious college, my daughter is doing well with the violin, my little one is doing well with the potty, and my grandmother is still alive Who can ask for anything more? Well hitting the lotto wouldn’t be a bad thing. All it takes is a dollar and a dream!

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

My Friday

I went out this pass Friday to a Kevin Shore party. Friday’s are really not the party night for me. Nonetheless, Dougie Fresh was supposed to be there so I decided to go. The ticket was $40 which I didn’t mind paying because food and drinks were included. Unbeknownst to me, the party was in an old, cold, and decrepit church rectory. Now this guy who gave the party has been giving parties forever. There is no way that the party should have been hosted in a raggedy church basement. Secondly, he had the nerve to charge a mandatory $3 coat check on top of the $40 cover. The coat check was some makeshift bullshit behind some tables.
Because we were the first ones there, we were able to get a drink early on. After about 45mins, the drink line was packed profusely and I didn’t bother to get another drink. Gratefully one of my favorite neighbors brought their own food and champagne, so I was able to eat and have a taste of some spirits. The music was pretty good I’ll admit. I was just a tad uncomfortable with partying in a church because it’s sacrilege. I also made sure that I didn’t drink to get drunk because on my feeling of awkwardness in the church. Oh and Dougie Fresh never showed up. Recently, the Legendary Blue hosted a free party at a fly ass loft in the city. Women had to wear white and men had to wear black blazers. Everyone looked so nice. Upon our arrival, there were servants walking around taking drink orders. Upstairs was the food, and a live band with an awesome songstress. The tables and the chairs were nice, and I totally enjoyed the food. There was even a beautiful ice sculptor that set off the mood. The overall ambiance was elegant. That was one of the best parties that I’ve ever been to. Blue is known for having classy event. I was so happy while there. Naturally when I went to Kevin’s party, I expected something kind of tasteful. So far every place I’ve gone has been mature and classy. I guess I am just a little disappointed because I am used to having such a wonderful time, but you can’t have it all. Anytime Blue has an event, I am there. He has always given nice organized events and he brings class to the party scene

Friday, January 30, 2009

In the bing

What the fuck would possess a woman to seek out and marry a man in jail? Men will never marry a jailed woman unless there was an ulterior motive. I understand if he was your man before the situation, but there is no excuse for any woman to stoop that low. Yes, I am being a little judgmental, but I think that is just plain dumb. First of all, I need to test out the product before I decide to commit. Men have the most game when they are in the slammer. They learn how to sweet talk a bitch and make her feel important and BANG you are his wife. How stupid and naive can one be. They claim that there is a shortage of men, but I don’t see where. Men are everywhere and they are free. No one knows what is going on behind the bars except for the culprits. Why marry a man that has a close chance at being a pillow bitter.
Recently, I was contacted by an old friend from high school. She and I had cocktails the other night. She poured out her woes on my lap. As if. She hit me with a bunch of shit that I wasn’t ready for. She told me that she met a guy on the internet who was incarcerated for 9 yrs and he was coming home soon. My first thought was how tacky, and my second was 9 yrs of pillow biting. Then she told me that she was going to marry him. All I can say is wow o.k... I asked her why is she going to marry him, and she told me that no man has ever made her feel this way before. I wanted to say BROKE. Collect calls, visits, packages, stamps and commissary add up. That was our first and last outing. I don’t bother answering her calls. We are grown ass women; I don’t have time for low self-esteem chicks in my life. The sad thing is she is a professional with a career and sweet as apple pie. That goes to show you, you can have the world at the palm of your hand. If you don’t have admiration for your self, everything else goes out the door.